Only atheists can cry at funerals?

Atheists are thinkers, they expose themselves to a world that largely believes in a god or gods, but they are growing in number every day. If atheism was a religion it would be growing at the same rate as Islam with its ferocity. This is why: Atheists like Muslims believe in an absolute faith. One is an absolute faith in God and the other is an absolute belief that god doesn’t exist. Opposite, but very much the same. Both as exact and clinical and certainly held in the hearts of their individual believers.

Both are good. Islam gets a bad press in the West but you’ve gotta admire Muslims for their total, unshakeable belief in Islam. I admire people with conviction and they certainly have that in spades, so fair play to them for being so devote.

Christians also have faith. They have it for an hour or two on Sunday mornings, or for a few kneeling seconds before bed and to bless you when something bad has happened or someone has died. But they show no soul despite claiming to have an eternal one. They claim to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ but if he could come back today and see what they had done to his doctrine he’d probably become a Muslim or an Atheist. (Technically he’s none of the above as Christianity was born out of his life and teachings after he had died and rose again but still… for the sake of argument…) Jesus turned the other cheek, he helped the poor, the needy the sick. Today Christians are neo-conservative assholes bombing people for oil, they don’t turn the other cheek they shoot first and ask questions…. Er never. They just wave away the inquiry into there war crimes and retire to a ranch for a life of plenty… just like Jesus would have done… WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Have you ever been to a Christian funeral? I have. It’s always a shame, it’s always a sad and sombre day. I cry when I’m at them and for one reason only, the person who I’m there to pay respects to has gone, gone for ever. I cry because I will never, ever again see them, talk to them, laugh with them or receive a funny email from them. They are gone. They aint in heaven, they aint in hell and they certainly aint in purgatory. They’re dead and it guts you, when you have little or no faith it pains you to the core. But why are Christians standing around me at the funeral crying too, wailing, sobbing and passing out? Explain please Christians?

They might be physically gone, but surely you can drop in on them in the afterlife, you know when you’ve got eternity to just chill with God, open up a twenty four pack of Holsten Pils and chill with Sky Sports (I’m guessing Rupert Murdoch has managed to get a nice subscription deal up in heaven). Don’t cry, REJOICE! They’ve made it into heaven, they have beaten you to the ambrosia (if you’re ancient Greek of course) and they look down on you with open eyes, even though they have no eyes anymore, just a vapour/dust/steam-like/invisible soul that equates to their being and brain and memories and love and sub-total as human beings on Earth. Yeah.

At least the Muslims have paradise and loads of Virgins to fuck over and over again until you got bored of fucking…. But then that’s another blog post of ridiculous! Sorry Muslims, I am an atheist.

Enjoy heaven, paradise or whatever you think you’ll deserve.

I’m looking forward to maggots eating their way down my Japs-eye, cus that’s all any of us will get.

Peace!