Beware people adding you on MSN or yahoo instant messenger.

I’ve been offline for a few days and tonight when I signed in to check my mail I got a message saying “ahmed_marwan200030 (at) yahoo.com” had added me as a friend. I have no idea of who this is and don’t know anyone called ahmed so I blocked and rejected and reported as spam. After a quick search on google for “ahmed_m” I found countless examples of this kind of unsolicited contact as a scam. I dunno exactly what the scam may be but please stay safe and let people know about this. I’m a very paranoid person at the best of times and have been known to block or delete or ignore requests from friends and family just because I didn’t know straight away it was them, but hey. Better to be safe than sorry.

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Charity: Are you doing your bit?

This evening I found a charity bag in my letterbox asking for clothes for a local children’s hospital and it has inspired me to do something I’ve never done before and that is to clean out a pile of old clothes that I never wear. Some of the clothes are so old even the moths won’t touch them because they are so far past the best before date, but they are useable. As I stood in my bedroom filing my way through all of my crap it made me think about charity. I try to be as charitable as I possibly can. These days I always give loose change to the guy or gal selling the Big Issue and I always refuse the magazine; why? Because they can sell it again and make a few extra quid. Well aint I great… of course not. I feel guilty walking past people shaking the collection tins no matter what the cause I always give them something. 20p, 50p a £1. I sometimes stand and watch other people who casually walk on by and it’s struck me on numerous occasions. The people who stop and give something are often the ones who look like they should hang on to it; they are the poorest or the elderly. The suited and booted businessman is far to busy and important and will go out of his way to look the other way or be on his phone or looking at his watch or simply being a cunt and saying “Not today thank you!” But what has a man with plenty of expendable cash achieved by doing this? Nothing of course. All of these guys can easily afford 50p here and there, but you watch and ask yourself… ‘When did I last see a man in a suit putting money into a collection tin?’ But what gesture would it be anyway. A rich man offering 50p isn’t a real gesture, but a pensioner who chooses between getting her Daily Star or giving to charity is.

I suppose my point is, I’m by no means a wealthy man but I find the pennies to try and make a difference to people who need it. My offerings won’t solve the countries problems, but if everyone in this country gave 1p every day that would put £600,000 into charity coffers every day… and that is simply 1p. It makes you think don’t it. Go on… give them a £1… you know it makes sense.

Dead Snow – Dead Good? No – but worth a watch.

Dead Snow is a Norwegian made, Norwegian language movie about a group of medical students going up into the mountains to a ski shack for an Easter holiday together that turns into a bloody murderous mess as Nazi Zombies rampage through the place looking for their stolen Nazi gold and jewels.

It’s a film with little grit or plot but that’s OK because you can’t really expect The Shawshank Redemption from a film that has a scene in it where a fat character called Erlend goes for a shit early in the movie only to be joined on the pan as he’s wiping his arse by the girl he’s trying to get off with. I mean I guessed straight away it was the “scary movie sex scene” that is pretty obligatory in these kids of flicks. But when she sucks his fingers and then gets upon his lap and starts to ride him within seconds of him finishing his dump you have to wonder: 1 do Norwegian women like to suck the hands of men who’ve just wiped their arse? And 2 Was he aroused just having a shit or had it been so long since the last time he stood to attention faster than a speeding bullet stuck in the back end of a bat out of hell (A nice Red Dwarf quote for ya there)?

I suppose you can read too much into what is essentially a tongue-in-cheek film, very much in the vein of Shaun of the Dead only nowhere near as good.  Yes it had a few funny moments – towards the end of the film two of the characters end up running towards a huge group of Nazi Zombies who are running towards them and they smash and cut them up with axes and hammers and a chainsaw. It’s all very cool to watch but it didn’t have the same classic moment feel as Simon Pegg et al hitting a zombie old man with pool queues in a pub.

Overall though not a bad 88 minutes spent. If you’ve not seen it and you feel I haven’t spoilt it for you with this pretty lame review, and you enjoy a good Zombie romp then I’d say watch it. If you prefer Pride & Prejudice or Hugh Grant movies I’d give it a miss.

Brussels or London, who do you want running the UK?

I was surfing around the BBC news website tonight as I usually do late at night. I’m a news whore and always have been, I love it. I feel strongly that people should know what is going on, you don’t have to care, but we should all be aware of what is going on in this world. Who’s suffering, who’s helping, what are politicians doing? We need to be informed so we can all make a balanced decision that is in our own interests at election time. But that is just my opinion.

So this news story pops up:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-12156490

… and I’m a bit speechless at the wording, “ a referendum before “significant” powers pass to Brussels.”

This suggests that we won’t get a referendum when ‘not so significant powers’ are passed to Brussels… And what could they be? Bin collections? Council tax levels? Welfare? Health? I mean you can break up any major issue into smaller bits and then let the insignificant parts go to Europe for decisions to be made – ludicrous in a parliamentary democracy, we are a sovereign fucking state damn it! This story sounds awful and holds no legal basis in the parliamentary democracy that we vote for (a democracy that has been the basis for dozens of democratic countries around the world). What’s the point of a parliament and elections to fill the house if we then have elections for Europe that elect the people to represent us? Two sets of elections, one for the smokescreen government (London – you know the ones who claim expenses then go to prison) and one for Brussels (where our voice is watered down by the number of seats we have as a nation compared to the aggregate number of seats, and where expenses are claimed and no one seems to care). Let us not forget that last point, the number of overall seats for the UK is proportionate, every other country has a set amount too. So we end up with a small number of UK officials elected to a house where majority votes take president. So France, Spain, Germany and Italy can all agree to cancel our rebate and oppose our views (they do it in Eurovision ala Iraq War, why not in Euro-politics? We’re the most successful and most hated country in Europe.)

Plus we have to remember that in European elections cunts like Nick Griffin get elected to ‘represent the UK’ in Europe. Do we really want to pass significant (or even insignificant powers) into a body that represents us so badly? I seriously doubt that.

If we are going to end up in a state of European wide governance we should at least be given a referendum on that, do we want to be told what to do by the European parliament in Brussels or do we want to be told what to do by London and our MP’s?

I’m all for being part of a common market, Europe as a trading block propping each other up for mutual benefits like jobs and wealth creation, a single currency aint such a bad thing (cus we aint in it hahaha) and freedom to move across borders is useful . But all nations need to keep their sovereign rights to do as they please. For security we have NATO, for opportunity we have the common market, but let’s keep it like that. The paranoia of two world wars fought decades ago should not drive us down a road of one nation of Europe. We can run our own affairs and not go to war ever again with each other because of an understanding that we are single nations with peaceful, freedom promoting , secular ideals but we have different cultures and ways of life (Generally we are very similar all across Europe). We all stand for peace, democracy, the rule of law, fairness, equality and some socialism and capitalism.

But we don’t need an umbrella over us called “The European parliament” telling us what to do. We need to re-evaluate what “Europe” actually means. I always thought it meant common ideas running alongside each other for the mutual benefit, not a United States of Europe with a federal government pulling the strings that no-one really agrees with or cares for that much.

Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal et al… we all need our autonomy. Without it we are fucked.

We can work together, but we cannot work as one nation. The whole isn’t always greater than the sum of its parts.

Wolves 1-0 Chelsea

Well tonight I had planned to do a nice little blog about astronomy. The three nights of star-gazing on BBC2 had really wetted my appetite for the sky like my interest for the sky at night and Patrick Moore had done when I was about nine years old. Back then I had failed to understand what the hell football was, I didn’t care. It wasn’t like my dad hadn’t tried, he did, but I was more interested in Dingbats in the Express and Star (remember them?) and of course stars and planets and all of that kinda funky jazz. Of course back when I was nine Wolves were still a couple of years from winning the double… Division Four and the Sherpa Van Trophy, which they did with all of the style and grace that Graham Turner, Steve Bull and Andy Mutch had…. Which was like a cat-walk show where the models had stayed at home and only the homeless and the darts team from The Feathers had bothered to turn up.

Anyway, as I sat down tonight to chat about how amazing the universe is (and it is) I see a tweet that says something as simple as “We’ve beaten Chelsea” and I double take… I didn’t listen to the game, or go (I spend my cash in the club shop and go when I can judgemental bastards) but this tweet was like the greatest tweet I’d ever seen. Little “old gold Wolves” had taken down the champions (although on current form it was a nails on win for us anyways), twas like seeing Babylon in it’s heyday or hiking to the top of Everest and finding Ambrosia seeping from the tits of God onto the face of Jesus who was wanking into the mouth of Satan who was waving, smiling and accepting the fact that none of them existed (apart from Babylonia of course, that certainly existed. Didn’t we invade it recently or something?)

Enough! The fact remains that my blog tonight has been diverted into a direction that I never expected and rather than go on and on and on about football I’ve decided that I’ll simply show you a video that means something to Wolves fans everywhere.

Tonight we are 4th bottom, we got three points and we’re playing well. Let’s hope it can continue.

2010: Everything you need to know…

Last year was a year like most in recent years, terrorist attacks and wars became second fiddle news as they were no longer shocking enough to sell newspapers. Instead we had a mix of the strange and the serious, the awful and… well the weather.

January last year was very much like December last year, snowy, cold and very fucking annoying. Anyone who has had to scrape the windows of the car and dig the snow just to leave the house to go to work knows how unattractive the weather is. The housewife’s view of the robin redbreast hopping around in the snow as they sit at the window in the warmth with a cup of tea and their slippers on, listening idly to Jeremy Kyle, is a view that is largely annoying to the rest of us who probably pay for this thoughtful lazy twat to sit at home on the dole (ooh sorry, I don’t sound so liberal now do I. Maybe she’s a lottery winner or her husband is out at work…. hmmm)

We saw thousands of innocent Haitians killed in a massive Earthquake, one of the worst Earthquakes in human history. An act of nature that is so ferocious it suddenly makes moaning about digging the snow off the path and spraying de-icer on the windows as significant as moaning about a lack of an internet connection when you really, really, really need a wank… what? Fuck off.

I suppose now we’re on the topic of jizzing, 2010 saw Tiger Woods exposed for having a very active libido, so much in fact he ploughed his way through most of the sexually attractive but not famous women of the North American peninsula. Well at least two people (I guess) other than his wife care about this story, but that’s it, no one else gives a shit. What a dick he was but how the hell did he get away with it for so long? Usually a celebrity has sex once with someone and the gold-digging, cock smokers are on the front page of the News of the World looking really plain and ordinary even after the make over and photo-shoot. Tiger managed to bone his way through dozens of women and none of them came forward until the scandal popped forth and then they all came forward. The fact that he got away with it for so long is a miracle… I know we Europeans laugh at the intellect of our American cousins (fairly or not) but did these women not realise they were shagging the greatest golfer ever? Madness. Utter madness. Sell your story love, that’s my advice. He is a married man.

A volcano in Iceland turned the Northern Hemisphere into a no fly zone. An oil rig explosion and subsequent leak turned the South Eastern beeches of America, Mexico and Central America into dodgy places to go on holiday in case oil turned up. So no one in England was affected. We didn’t fly, we didn’t get our holidays ruined by oil slicks, and we got compensation. Sweet. I think some seagulls and fish might have died, that is sad, but at least milky white scousers and cockneys didn’t get sunburned then covered in crude. We can just do without hearing about it and those fuckers never shut up.

We had a new Doctor Who this year. I think he’s OK, Matt Smith, he certainly looks more like an alien than that other guy who played him before who we’ve already all forgotten about but couldn’t imagine life without whilst watching him transmogrify during the Xmas 2009 show. You know whassisname. The guy who did that thing and was in that thing. Tall, skinny. That’s him. Bob.

Doctor Who is primarily a kids show, it always has been and still is. It has a passing appeal to teenagers because it has a lead role, in Matt Smith, who’s a young guy on TV who cares about stuff, which girls love and a red headed bird who wears stripper costumes which appeals to teenage boys. But not me of course, I’m old enough to be her dad, well not her dad but her much older boyfriend who was a few years beneath her dad at school. Either way she’s much younger than me and very attractive. Joking aside I find it a bit sad that the highlight of the BBC schedule for Xmas (which is fresh in the mind of course) is Doctor Who. I enjoy watching it, it’s well made and entertaining but it’s not an adult programme, not a flagship show, not an historic TV moment. It’s not Morecambe and Wise or Only Fools and Horses, it’s OK but it’s not a defining Xmas TV moment. Sorry it just aint.

2010 offered the most impressive leap for a computer game sequel we have ever seen I feel, “Red Dead Redemption.” I remember playing its forbearer “Red Dead Revolver” on the PS2 in 2004 and was totally blown away with it then, it was enjoyable. I like westerns and cowboys, hell I used to be one when I was seven years old. The sequel is a sandbox style, do as you please, find your own way game with graphics, gameplay, design, story straight out of… well Hollywood, AND you’re in charge, playing director. Making your own Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid, Good, Bad, Ugly and downright fucking gun toting, bloodbath, Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earn back slapping, cigar chomping, whiskey swigging, piano in the saloon movie goodness.

2010 also “introduced” the world to 3D. We saw Avatar; we saw the launch of TV channels showing football in 3D… I need to see gobbing footballers like this otherwise I want my license fee back, if I’m being honest. It was a great leap forward… I mean it’s not like they released Jaws in 3D in 1983… and it’s not like that was a revival of 3D movies from the 1950’s, 1960’s et al. 3D – it’s new! Yeah!

Last year also saw a woman put a cat in a bin. This raised as much outrage as the combined outrage from the Derek Bird and Raoul Moat gun massacres of last year. Although the Raoul Moat one was blown a bit out of proportion as he only shot and killed 1 person and injured 2 others. Moat having spent so many days on the run got his column inches and drove the press into a frenzy of “he’s out there, be scared, buy papers, watch the news” they fucking loved it. Bird of course, being a spoil sport just killed 12 and injured 11 before blowing himself away as the first news began to trickle onto Sky. I guess Bird didn’t want to have some chicken and go fishing with Gazza, not even for a minute. Seriously though I send my thoughts to the families of those lost.

33 miners were trapped in a Mine in Chile from 5th August until the 13th of October and all of them survived and were rescued. An amazing thing indeed. Sadly setting the bar high was not a good thing at all when in November – 29 miners were killed in New Zealand after four explosions rocked the mine they were trapped in between the 19th and 28th of the month. A terrible tragedy for all and a reminder of the real risks involved in mining. I send my thoughts to the families of those lost too.

2010 also saw the pope visit the UK, the only Nazi ever to set foot on British soil without first landing a burning Messerschmitt (Jersey occupation excluded). We also had to endure Jason Donovan singing and dancing like a massive prick in Iceland adverts in the run up to Xmas. But I suppose we all gotta make a living aye?

Not a lot else I can think of happened, I’m sure I’ve missed some really big events, sorry about that. But in a nutshell that’s my memories of 2010. That and drinking, smoking and eating too much.

P.S. Oh yeah, a Prince got engaged and we get an extra day off work in 2011. How the hell did I forget that!