Not Enough Hours In The Day.

There is no coincidence between my quitting smoking and my self awareness that I am but a functioning alcoholic with a leaning towards depression. My youtube output also was effected by this epiphany, because when I’m sober sitting in front of a camera and talking has the same appeal as dropping my nuts into the mouth of a sleeping tiger and then punching said feline in the guts. But still I know that alcohol is about as likely to keep me healthy as river-dancing on the M6 is going to keep me alive, I refuse to quit… either.

I’ve spent months battling the insertion of brewed chemistry into my feeble human digestive system with no results, no changes, or care from myself. Instead I get halfway to cirrhosis-ville and then blog about being an atheist in words and sentences that are pretty unreadable.

I’ve discovered among this stuff that the solution lies in Xbox. I have to be sober to play it and I stay sober once on it, even if I’m planning to play for twenty hours straight. That is a cool discovery but one that might leave my blog and my youtube and my online stuff ignored and neglected like a ginger stepson asking for help with body odour and girls.

But the reality is I’ll be back, the curse of the working classes will see to that inevitably I’m sure.

Bottoms up, I might see you around.

Jay.  🙂

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Ranting for the sake of it for old times sake.

When you’re knocking about just living your life, Atheism is like a yahoo email account, you just forget about it. Then one day you decide to check it, just for fun, you know… to check the spam, so I’m checking it… metaphorically… yes I’m talking about God, Jesus and more importantly the fact they are as real as smurfs or Winnie the Poo. It’s another atheism blog… If you’re a Christian and you don’t want to know the score look away now.

Two thousand years ago God sent his son back to Earth to save us, to save us all. I mean we needed saving. The world was still flat, dinosaurs hadn’t been invented and lots of humans lived around the world oblivious to Romans or Jesus or Palestine or anything that really went on anywhere. Save us oh Lord save us from our sins! Well what sins? Fucking, wanking and eating. That’s all people did, cus that’s all they had. You know the sins, the things that we all enjoy but to other people (who are doing exactly the same) are just not done. We let them  say “Actually I hate food, and the process of milking jizz from my ball bag, be it vaginal, oral or by hand!” Aint we an odd species? Some non-God believing species like Spider Monkeys will wank, eat and fuck all at the same time in your face at the zoo. Who’s enlightened and intelligent… I mean really? They seem happy. We walked on the moon, but our failing is we didn’t wank on it.

I suppose my point, if I have one, in this blog is: Jesus came back at a time of “trouble” to save us, to redeem our souls. So back then, two thousand years ago the world was a bad place, so bad that Mr Omnipotence himself had to intervene (despite his free will bullshit that we hear so much about). Living in mud huts, trading and bartering and having no ideas about electricity, gravity, physics, etc was BAD enough to send Jesus. Old God on Earth Jesus. Back then it was bad though of course, I don’t want to belittle it, I mean they killed Jesus. Bastards. But then nothing happened, not a thing.

God just sat back. It seems that his Lego set in the sky that he’d put together himself had just said “Fuck off.” Jesus was dead, what was his next move…? Oh of course the second coming. How convenient that is for believers… Jesus was a mistake – “People didn’t give us the answer that we wanted so we made something else up. The return, the second coming! He’ll be back and next time… he’ll be pissed!”

I wanna know this… if two thousand years ago was bad enough to send Jesus to save us… then what must God think now? Things are much worse. We now have nuclear fusion power stations, A-bombs, oil slicks, AIDS, war, tsunamis, earthquakes and famine as well as men killing people in his name using planes, trains, automobiles, shoes and badly fitting exploding pants? Why would God even consider sending anyone to 2011? Can you imagine the conversation….

“I want you to go back to Earth Jesus.”

“What….?”

“Come on don’t play dumb, I need you to go back and save them all… you know the species that nailed you to a cross last time…”

“I’m not keen dad.”

“Why not?”

“They’ve got electric chairs and things now… for fuck’s sake”

“Watch your language I’m God.”

“Well so am I dad… on Earth”

“Go to your room!”

“I hate you, I hate you I wish I’d never been born!”

“Why are you acting like a child Jesus when you’re 37 years old?”

“Oh Fuck off!”

Now my blog reader…. did you know that while you read that dialogue another seagull and another beaver died because they got a four pack ring binder from a beer can four pack stuck around their necks thanks to Gods free will.

God’s free will is the biggest lie swallowed by Christians.

“He Gave us Free will. That’s why he allows war and murder and all that man made suffering!”

Oh good old God, giving us free will so that he is exonerated from any court proceedings. Why did he give us the free will of the mind but not of the body? Why do people contract AIDS, why are people getting Cancer or MS or being born with cleft pallets? Is that free-will? DNA has been proven to exist and has been proven to not only be the building blocks of human beings but also the cause of serious illnesses.

Freewill lets bad people do bad things, and good people do good things, but it doesn’t explain why good people get Cancer and wankers live to be ninety seven.

If there is a God, and I’m pretty sure their aint, he’s a massive, massive cunt.

“Good night and May God Be Less” – Richard Coughlin.

We survived, I nearly died.

The last day of the season almost cost me my life. I had a minor heart attack, three TIA’s and shit blood from my sock and my ear. Yes it’s true, all of that and I didn’t breathe out or stop pissing into a bag. But seriously… today was a tough fucking day for us Wolves fans. I often think it’s tough, you know when you beat Man Utd at home, beat Chelsea at home etc, etc, etc, (Liverpool away) blah, blah blah. But a home game against a team that might go down too isn’t a home game is it? It’s a cup final. Stoke didn’t give a shit cus they had to play Wigan. They were at home… and they lost. Typical that the Stokies tried to help get us relegated. Better luck next time…. And while we are on the subject, did you get your accent from a scouser with a speech impediment or are all of you just talking with a Brummie accent – but with a hint of retarded?

Anyway… lets talk about Wigan. They won, little ole Wigan. Fair play to them I like that because it effects nowt really and leads me to the point where….

Wolves lost to Blackburn, we both stayed up. Who cares, not Blues fans or Blackpool fans. They care little for this fixture.

Blackpool came from 1-0 down at Old Trafford to lead 2-1. Shame you lost 4-2 and as for Blues… I couldn’t love Spurs more than I do right now. I won’t care tomorrow but I love you right now. O’Hara buries one for us and you go and beat Blues 2-1. Poetic? No, But enjoyable to Wolves fans, yes.

Imagine having to play nine thousand Europa league games… painful, imagine playing it with 38 league games too…. tough…. Well imagine if you had 46 league games you dildo’s… OUCH! Enjoy Europe like most Brits, for a week in August or September. ROFL!

At the end of the day West Ham Vs Blackpool, Blackpool Vs Blues and Blues Vs West Ham, home and away will be a fixture no one cares about next season in the Championship. Fuck you all, you got relegated and if it had been Wolves you’d all feel the same. You’d all say NO ONE CARES. Dog eat dog, cat eat cat and man eat cat at the Chinese takeaway. None of it is relevant because we are staying up, with Wigan and Blackburn.

Job done.

33 points that West Ham had would have kept them up last season, another stat that is worth nothing right now as Wolves stay up and West Ham, Blackpool and Blues go down. This blog post is all about Wolves staying up. WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE!

Now we have to start working towards avoiding this shit again next season.

Rapture Saturday, judgement Sunday.

So it’s ten past eleven on Saturday night and the judgement hasn’t come. Right now it’s ten past eight tomorrow morning in Sydney Australia. Looks like we’ve avoided the 21st of May apocalypse that only seems to have had any time relevance in America or Europe thanks to the blinkered and small thinking mind of a lunatic, Christian, cock-smoking idiot who calculates the end of the world against the random and vague statements written in a collection of books written in the Middle East 1900 years ago. Does anyone else find it scary that these stories get more headlines than stories of scientific understanding? I read once that the Earth would cease to exist in 5bn years when the sun expands and swallows it, but in the meantime might get hit by a few dozens extinction level asteroids. That wasn’t on the front page of a newspaper, or on page 5 or page 30, I think it was a quarter page article hidden midway through a supplement shitty magazine of a Sunday morning rag that probably had the main headline of: “Rooney threatens to punch terminally ill child in face with boxing glove made of the extra money he got from his childish paddy pay rise saga.” The world aint gonna end during human existence, you and I will certainly expire of course much sooner, probably from something terrible, few people die in their sleep aged 96 after a stress free, opulent existence. Anyway…

Sunday is “Judgement Sunday” for five clubs in the Premiership and I’m as nervous as al Qaeda’s number two (or number one as he’s now known). My nightmare scenario is Wolves and Blackburn play out the dullest 0-0 draw and Wigan, Blackpool and Blues all win allowing Wolves and Blackburn to play out the same fixture next season in the Championship. It’s an awful thought.

I’m going to have another drink and try not to dwell on it… even though I’ve dwelled on it long enough to blog about it.

Please Wolves, win. Good luck Wolves, win.

So 37 games have lead us to this… 1 single set of fixtures will decide the future of five clubs.

So we are almost there, thirty seven games in and all we know for sure is West Ham will be among the three relegated teams from the Premiership this season. Amazingly five teams are still trying to scramble their way from the remaining two places. It’s going to be nerve jangling stuff this weekend. I’m quietly confident of Wolves chances. As we are the only team at home out of the five teams but we just happen to be playing one of those five too. Blackpool away at Man Utd should be a home banker but with the title won Fergie will have one eye on the European Cup final and so out will trot the second string. I wonder how much Ian Holloway will bemoan that decision by Fergie and will the Premier league fine him for not putting out his strongest available team? Hmmm I wonder. Wigan are capable of taking points against a now dejected Stoke who’ve lost two games in a row, both against Man City and one of them their first ever FA Cup final, a final which they never turned up to, I think Stoke are on their summer holidays already. West Ham Vs Sunderland doesn’t mean much but maybe the Hammers will try to go out with an ironic win, but win, lose or draw it’ll effect nothing. Spurs could put in the performance that decides what happens when they take on Blues at White Hart Lane. I fear for Birmingham. Spurs will want to keep fifth place from Liverpool and a win will guarantee that. Just maybe it’ll be Europa league and Championship football for the League Cup Winners next season. As for Wolves and Blackburn, it’s not easy to call. The crowd at Molineux will be our 12th man, we’re looking good after winning two, drawing two and losing only one of our last 5, scoring eight goals, but leaking seven. But Blackburn are going to know that a win will guarantee their survival as of course it would ours. A draw might be enough for both teams but neither team will be playing for that and it’s going to be a tough final game for the Wanderers. I hope we can win and if not, I hope Wigan, Blackpool & Blues can lose and it won’t matter. COME ON WOLVES!

Did something happen in Abbottabad? (aka “I don’t watch mainstream TV news or read newspapers anymore.”)

I was interested to read this blog post tonight. It drew my attention because the author is the now “online famous guy” who tweeted the raid on Osama bin Laden’s house. I say house it was more of a prison where he was forced to live with three or four wives. To be honest with you all if I was going to get myself a place to hide for five or so years it would have had a fridge, a TV, an X-box and a courier who was less into delivering video tapes to TV stations and more into fetching me food and beer for my earlier mentioned fridge. But hey! Some of us like food and beer and some of us like making video tapes.

The blog post by Really Virtual is an independent train of thought, with no agenda or media audience to play up to. It’s sensible and as the guy lives in Abbottabad it’s more reliable than ABC, BBC, CBeebies etc etc. The fact that when questioned in the coffee shop in Abbottabad no students care about the OBL situation is a wonderful microcosm of the entire world, does anyone care? I mean it’s been over a week now, should we care?

Osama bin Laden was a wanted man, supported by the CIA in the 1980’s, ignored by the Saudis in the 1990’s, angry at the world ever since. Simple as that. He was a bit pissed off. But hey! What ever your thoughts on OBL he was right to be a little bit pissed off about the Palestine situation, I say that from the point of view of a western, fat, spoilt atheist – I can see it’s wrong why can’t the people in charge see it? But I disagree with violence especially towards civilians. 9-11 was an attack on civilians, so was the Iraq war, the Mumbai attacks, what about Vietnam, the Beslan school siege how many innocent people died in Japan in 1945,  etc, etc, etc, no one on any “side” is blameless. Killing civilians is wrong, it’s no more wrong in America on 9-11, but it’s equally as abhorrent as any other civilian deaths anywhere. We forget sometimes that life is equally valued across the world. It’s not about what side you are on…. oh yeah and let me get on to the “side” game. I hate all of this – us and them, the Christians and the Muslims, the white’s and the browns, those foreigners and those home guard patriots yee-har! (For a start I’m not a Christian, I dropped that label when I reached the age of reason.)

It’s all bollocks. What about this label – “Those men making money lots of cash out of war sending their own countries poor peoples children to fight abroad to kill an enemy who opposes their capitalist agenda?” Is that an acceptable label in this debate? No? Why not? We see people from poor backgrounds choosing the military because it guarantees them a way out of their poor situation, it offers pay and pensions. And yet we also see rich men at the heads of corporations buying influence and votes in Whitehall and beyond; getting what they want from any situation. They profit from war, they profit from economic prosperity, they profit from illness and economic failure too. They own the tank and gun companies, the drug companies and the companies that administer corporate failure and the indignation of benefit pay outs. They don’t kill our troops, but they turn a blind eye when a war makes them money or opens up lucrative markets, smiling at the cash returns, ignoring the rivers of blood.

In the West capitalism and freedom is “good” and within reason it is. It offers me the chance to say these things and not worry about a knock at the door from the secret police, I can earn a living and no one questions the amount – no matter how small. I can drive and even own a car and a house should I so choose, I can go on holiday, smoke, drink, fuck out of wedlock, eat too much, dance like a prick, shriek and scream (but I call it singing) and play games on Facebook that are pointless, meaningless shit. But among all of that someone is making a buck or a dollar or a pound, on me! It’s not the people in this system that are wrong, it’s the system itself. It’s the same system that allows a “free” media to tell us how to think, what to wear and who’s the bad guy. Again I’m not defending OBL, he’s not the rule but the exception. He was a twat, a cunt, an arsehole, a murderer, a conspirator, a terrorist but he was also a coward, a man on the run, a failure. He wasn’t a Muslim scholar or leader so why do we treat him so? Why do we associate him with a religion of around 2bn people? Is he their spokesman – No! Are there 2bn terrorists in the world all ready to fight and die for the cause. Of course not. Around 1,999,999,903 are pretty calm, moderate, sensible, funny, witty, entertaining people, just like the Jews and the whites!  But then flip the coin, we have mental right wing neo-conservative Jews and bat shit crazy insane white dudes who all wanna blow up the world and kill us all. Let’s not forget Islamic fundamentalists haven’t got ownership of ignorance and stupidity, it’s everywhere and festers every society and country on Earth.

OBL was an extremely isolated case, al Qaida is and always will exist as a train of thought, an ideology and a way of life for a tiny amount of people who know no better, want to feel belonging, to have insane brotherhood or have a false purpose in their lives, but it’s just an extreme belief that the vast, vast majority of human beings will ignore and repress because at the bottom of it all we are ALL the same. We all want happiness, wives (or husbands), families, jobs and a home, friends, the occasional meal and bit of peace and quiet.

As for the media. They make money out of labels and… Osama bin Laden wasn’t an innocent man, far from it, but he wasn’t the Bond Villain orchestrating death from a cave either. The media is always GOOD vs BAD, with us or against us, black and white, rich and poor, but ultimately most things exist in the grey area and are much more complicated than ITV News would have us believe.

Open your minds, you know the score, you don’t need to be told it in an over simplified way. Now have I told you in a very condescending and particularly over simplified way that murder is evil and bad? No I’m not an agent of BBC News 24.

Peace!