Nanowrimo 2011

Well I’m as ready as I could be for Nanowrimo 2011. I’ve tried to get the main characters and a basic idea together ready to start on Tuesday. As the day draws closer I’m a little more apprehensive and unsure if taking part is a good idea. I’m a little out of practise writing fiction. In fact I don’t think I’ve written more than a thousand words of fiction since last years Nanowrimo. Most of my writing, and my reading for that matter, has been online for my blog or others blogs and I’m worried that I may have lost my fictional muse. I suppose I’ll find out when I start!

Well this may well be my last blog post before I start as any time I have in November to write will be spent on the Nanowrimo attempt and not my blog. I’ll try and update on twitter how I’m going, I’m sure I’ll still be knocking around on there.

“I should reach the frontier in about six weeks. With a little luck the network will pick me up. This is Bilstonjay, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.”


Sceptical I know but still what do you think Wolves fans?

Something occurred to me recently, and that’s all it did, it occurred to me, I’m making no allegations or defaming anyone, none of this is fact, it’s my brain, addled with beer, thinking about stuff. Consider it fiction cus I’m sat here making it up right now.

Wolves are struggling at the minute and back when the transfer window was open we seemed very unsure to spend money, but at the same time the club has demolished a stand to rebuild it at a cost of millions.

Now the owner of Wolves, who got the club for a tenner as long as he made a promise to a very old man, an old fashioned businessman (you know the sort of old fashioned businessman who might think your word was your bond and you’d stick to it after shaking hands on an agreement) that he’d invest £20m into the club which he seems to have done, so agreement kept.

Now also consider that the man who now owns Wolves has another company that builds houses, that could rebuild maybe… a stadium too. They are both companies owned by one man but who’d operate and invoice each other separately. What a great way to move cash from one company to another. I’m sure I’m no genius spotting this likelihood and that kind of thing goes on all of the time but it still would seem weird? Is the chairman rebuilding the stadium with his own building company? Is it free to the club or is money moving out of Molineux to pay for the rebuilding of the stadium? If that is the case (and I’m only guessing here) will any profit made by the building company be re-invested in the club? What worth will the club have after it is rebuilt and what profit on £20,000,010 pounds could be made if it’s sold? Is the future of our club really so secure? Questions I’d love to have answered.

I’m not sure about any of this as I say, I’m just looking at the current situation we are in and wondering, why? Steve Morgan seems like a very nice bloke who has the interests of the club at heart. But at the moment he and Moxey and McCarthy are all too pally pally and the pressure does not appear to be on the manager to get results or the board to look at investment in players come January. Where is the transfer kitty? Is it paying for a new stadium that could wait until we’ve got a decent team to play in it? If so that is foolish, very foolish.

Three years into our Premier league excursion and we’re no further up the road to consolidating that position than we were on day one of the 2009-10 season. I wonder if history repeats itself because I remember in the early 80’s the club built a new stand at the expense of investment in players and the club had 3 successive relegations.

OK, paranoid rant over. I’m sure the club will be fine, what ever ground or division they are playing in come May. (I hope so anyway!) I’d love any feedback from Wolves fans on my thoughts.


Trick or Treat, how about you fuck off my doorstep?

I was sat at home with my girlfriend and daughter the other night minding our own business. It was dark out, it was cold too, well it is mid October… Mid October, not the 31st, Mid!!! And I hear a rapping at the front door.

“Who the fuck is that” I eloquently said.

“It’s not late, put down the snooker cue extension” said the missus, she’s a spoil sport sometimes! So I answer the door armed only with my Molineux pyjamas and brown George of Asda Slippers, they used to be blue, I have no idea before you ask!

Stood before me and I kid you not are five youths in full hoody gear, faces hidden, hands in pockets, four of them cowering behind the brave leader hoody who says, “Trick or treat?”

You can imagine the plethora of replies that flew through my mind, “Trick but if it’s a rabbit out of a hat you owe me fifty quid,” or “Treat! I get to rape all five of you!” but of course, as they now know where I live & they may have their hands on knives, or eggs, or both, I decided to just say, “Sorry guys, I don’t go in for all that.”

They didn’t look at me twice they turned and scampered away before I had chance to close the door. They weren’t trying to be scary, but they probably wanted money not sweets, but debating with me was clearly time badly spent when they could spend it confusing the old people in my street and therefore gaining access to their homes for cash or food or both! But in all seriousness they knocked on a few more doors, got told to do one and left without a fuss.

When I was a kid trick or treaters dressed up in Halloween costumes, went out with mum and dad and expected sweets cus tricks weren’t ever on the agenda. Oh yeah and they were aged about seven or eight, not fifteen. Grow the fuck up lads, get yourself home, mommy will have some chicken dippers and chips in for ya!

Hoody scum!

Wolves need to beat Swansea, nothing else will do.

Well after the good start to the season Wolves find themselves in the position they are. No points from the last fifteen has seen us drop from top four to shitsville. The calls for Micks head are ringing around Molineux and Twitter which is sad after what he has achieved, but inevitable because of the run we’re on. You’ve probably heard the stat that last time Wolves lost so many games in a row in the top flight it was the start of three successive seasons of relegation.

I feel we need to take the points tomorrow for more than just Mick because we need wins at home. Our next five away games are frightening and any points we get will be hard earned. Points dropped at home in that time will see us sink to the bottom of the league and no one wants that. The twisted thing is back in that season when we last lost five top flight games in a row the club were failing to invest in the team whilst also building a stand that the club could have lived without… of course the rest is history. I’ll be there cheering on the boys tomorrow hoping this aint history repeating.

Thanks to for the free pair of tickets. Much appreciated.

In 2011 only mongs are offended by the word mong: The defence of Ricky Gervais and his choice of language.

I know what the word mong was used as back in the day when I was a wee lad running around a playground in the heart of the Black Country in the eighties. Mong meant retard or spastic or at its worst it was used as an offensive word to describe people with downs syndrome but ask any teenagers today what mong means and they’ll probably say idiot, fool or prat. Maybe Gervais should have called his Sky One show “A Mong Abroad” to hammer home the point that the word has evolved, and has changed, etymology I think it’s called. I don’t know any teenagers who think of mong as meaning Downs Syndrome, not one.

I’m a big fan of Ricky Gervais, I have been since the “11 o’clock show” and “Meet Ricky Gervais” were shown on Channel 4 well over a decade ago. His comedy has always been a bit risky and has always caused some offence to some people. But that’s OK comedy does that, not all of us are looking at the world from the same point of view and so we all laugh at and get upset by different things, and I think this is one of those things. People who’ve followed the career of Gervais understand perfectly what this is. Its matey humour, it’s down the pub joking about, something that we all do – only most of us aren’t going to end up on the front page of a newspaper for messing about are we?

Newspapers are picking this “story” up and are running with all kinds of arguments. They are picking up tweets from people who are offended and getting quotes from people associated with disability charities and quotes from the comedian Richard Herring. Well done for creating this “news” out of not a lot. I find it odd that a comedian like Richard Herring, who has a persona that is generally childish (and very funny indeed) on stage and certainly in his podcast ‘As It Occurs to Me,’ would deride a comedian for using a term that is seen as very childish and schoolyard in origin. I like Richard Herring a lot but I don’t care much for his views in this case. Plus has anyone noticed that journalists these days are lazy, and unlike hard working hacks in the old days that had to go out and beat the streets or chase the cops to get a story, they now sit back in their warm offices, sipping coffee and surfing Facebook and Twitter for stories. Not a day goes by that another celebrity storm erupts thanks to something they said on the internet. They are human beings and they do and say silly things sometimes just like you and me. We shouldn’t put everything under a microscope and then dissect it to try and find the deep or dark message behind it.

Ricky Gervais has proven himself to be a supporter of the disabled by creating positive characters that are disabled. Julie Fernandez was cast as Brenda in the office, a character who despite her disability still holds down a job and sees David Brent for what he is, a bit of a twit but oddly likeable. He also cast the very funny Cerebral palsy sufferer Francesca Martinez in Extra’s and is currently working with the tiny Warwick Davies. All of these people have disabilities of one kind or another and all of them have worked with Gervais. Maybe we should be asking them how offended they are by his tweets and twitpics, but then that might look like a balanced argument and the press can’t sell their shitty rags on the back of fairness and sense can they?

There is nothing wrong with touching sensitive subjects but you’ll always run the risk of offending blinkered, single minded people (who may even have an agenda) who see the head line and the word mong and nothing else, that’s what has happened here I think. These people (let’s call them… mongs) need to be told what to think and the journalists feed them the rest. This whole mong debate is truly out of hand and out of context in my opinion. Being offended is OK, but it doesn’t make you right.

Here are a couple of news stories that caught my eye on this matter:

The Christian Post with the unfortunately named reporter Ray Downs. (Unfortunate for this debate anyway, I’m not making fun!)

In this story we see this and I quote: “@Pippa777 tweeted: “@rickygervais as the mother of a child with severe learning difficulties, I say mong all the time! I mong out on the sofa regularly!!”” Which makes me wonder, are disabled people or families of disabled people really the ones offended or are people offended because they feel they should be?

The Daily Fail article by Emma Reynolds.

In this article we have a nice blue box a third of the way down the article that is entitled “Mong from Accepted to Unacceptable” and then she goes on to say that the Oxford English dictionary defines the word “Mongol” as…. Blah, blah, blah, but hang on. In this entire debate the word was mong not mongol. Mong we are understanding to mean idiot, mongol is clearly defined by the dictionary as a derogatory term for Downs Syndrome, but by misrepresenting the word mong as mongol in the article the author feels she is justifying criticising Gervais and his use of mong. Daily Mail, fails again but of course its knuckle dragging readership won’t be interested in observations like mine. They just need to be spoon fed the bullshit so they can get angry about something.

Daily Telegraph article by Tom Chivers

Towards the end of his blog post Tom Chivers says: “”Mong” can hurt someone just as much as “nigger”.” I disagree. The N word comes with a certain weight of racial injustice because of slavery and the hardships and brutality that black people suffered during a dark period of human history. No matter how offensive you find the word ‘Mong’ you cannot in all seriousness say it’s as bad as the N word. That in itself is a very mongy point of view and I’ve also noticed that Tom isn’t offended enough not to use the word as one of his search tags at the end of his blog post, hmmmm strange that.

I feel the word mong does mean idiot and I think Gervais is just running with the controversy now. They say there is no such thing as bad news. I hope he sells millions of DVDs and comedy show tickets and gets record TV viewing figures off the back of it. Keep up the great work Ricky.


An open letter to my loved ones.

Ever noticed how things change around you and you have to keep up with everything or you become out of touch? I haven’t. I’m very lazy when it comes to opening my eyes to the world. I forget that not answering my phone, or replying to a text or email or even something as meaningless as a Facebook comment can cause at worst offence or at least irritation.

I’m a busy guy, I work 9-5 Monday to Friday… so I’m not so busy. I busy myself with shit that’s not important and I drink heavily because these days I have to admit I am an alcoholic. Drinkers are like any other addicts, selfish. So I spend my time selfishly, pleasuring myself with simple things like the internet, books, films and TV shows I like and hobbies and interests and other things that make me happy… but this selfishness has a downside. It might be pleasurable to do what ever I want but it’s also neglectful.

I have a girlfriend who I love more than anything, she is my best friend she makes me smile, she’s my first thought when I wake and my last thought when I sleep, but still she simply puts up with me. I know she loves me, why else would she be with me after five years but still I know I should treat her better. I do treat her well, I’m not neglectful or forgetful, we have fun, but we really should be more than we are. We should be engaged, I should pop the question, I know this, I’m working up to that, it’s a big step and I’m happy to take it, we really should be married by now, let alone engaged. I love you very much. It’s me not you. I love you.

I have two great sisters and they have great families. I get to enjoy the liberal mix of nuclear family and gay relationship which is really fucking cool. Two sisters, a brother in law, a sister in law, nieces and nephews that are all the nicest people you could want to meet. I’m not so great at keeping in touch with you guys either but I think about and love you all every day, so come and give me a big snog! YES ALL OF YOU!

I have lots of friends too and they probably are the most neglected of my loved ones. All of them are superstars, I don’t have to know you, I choose to know you and several years ago we were closer. I know I’m a strange specimen and I can be weird and eccentric and offer talk of the shite kind as well as insightful debate about Red Dwarf or Metallica, but I’m still the Jay you knew back then and I’m sorry for being such a stranger. It’s my fault entirely. I’m guilty of turning my phone off and leaving it off, not out of neglect, but just because I thought I needed peace and quiet.  I didn’t. The silence of a phone that’s switched back on is a lot more haunting and upsetting than a phone that’s turned off. I learned this and I learned that being a cunt which I have been sometimes isn’t good. But I haven’t changed, not really. Yes I’m fatter and older and my hair is 50% grey (70% in some regions) but I’m still the bloke I always was… a moron with a sense of humour. I’m sorry guys for being a stranger, but if you don’t mind I wanna stay a piss head, just a more familiar one. I also wanna be mates again. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves and I want my chosen family back, god damn it.

I also know I’ve annoyed neighbours, never intentionally, sometimes drunkenly, always with a point. That point is, you can knock my door anytime and I’ll help you, but don’t take the piss. Take the piss out of me as you do, that’s OK, but don’t take the piss out of my family for being gay. Otherwise I don’t care. We’ve all got to live together and I’ve known some of you for decades so just man up and come and see me. I won’t bite, I’m not a monster. I might even give you a beer. Everything is cool, I bear no grudges after tonight. Peace!

Work colleagues, I like you or I don’t. I like most of you actually, especially the ones covering my arse as I laze about on Twitter. Otherwise you can fuck off. :- )

I love you all,


PS this aint a suicide note, I won’t be committing suicide. (Sorry about that :-@ … I know some of you are gutted).