Penalty, sending off, carried off, Aston villa’s snatch and grab. (Wolves 2-3 Aston Villa)

Today against Aston Villa we have seen the best and worst of Wolves. The first half and the second half were contrasts like chalk and cheese, the first half was superb, the second was like hell on Earth.

Darren Bents cheating to gain a penalty and then conversion of it to put the Vile 1-0 up was against the run of play early doors. Up until then it was relatively balanced with neither side looking like breaking the deadlock. Our boys came back strong and a lovely bit of individual skill by Frimpong released Kightly who cut back inside to level the score at 1-1, it was a superb goal and gave Molineux and the team a massive lift, Wolves had the edge then, it felt like we were going to go on and score 4 or 5.

Then an odd incident happened. A corner was given to Wolves (because they were attacking again and again and again and getting corner after corner after corner) and Michael Kightly was physically blocked from taking it by the linesman, something I have never seen before, usually they let you play on and the ref blows to take it again if he wasn’t ready. But in ironic style when Kightly was allowed to take the corner he floated it on to the head of Johnsson who knocked it down for Edwards to tap it over the line with his Swede, 2-1. We raped the Villa defence time and time again for the next 10 or 15 minutes until half time but never added to that, which cost us dear. At half time Skybet had Villa at 8-1 to win, did anyone stick a monkey on that?

As the second half was about to start we heard that Agbonlahor had been replaced with Warnock and we cheered, what a shit decision by McLeish. We were pissing ourselves laughing. The second half was dire stuff. We looked like we had already won, no effort, no passion, no desire from pretty well everyone on the park. Keano buried the equaliser early on in the second half after a terrible clearance by Matt Jarvis. Matt! Knock it out for a throw in and get back and defend it, for fuck sake! It’s like you don’t want to play for England ever again. You’re good enough man sort it out! But then that can be said to all of our players based on the second half performance, I’d hate to pick on Jarvis, he wasn’t so bad over the 90 minutes.

Frimpong was carried off after getting kicked in the face by Petrov although early indications suggest that Petrov’s leg might have fallen off with the shock of hitting the titanium cheekbone of Frimpong (he’s ‘badder assier’ than Chuck fucking Norris). That was it our midfield engine was stuttering, Milijas is no Frimpong but at least we still had Milijas and Henry trying to run the show in midfield at least for a while. The game then turned into a hit and hope hoof fest right up until Henry decided to stamp on Albrighton like he was breaking a glass at a Jewish wedding. Straight red. The sad thing is a 3 game ban means he won’t be eligible to play away at QPR early in February so we will have to miss watching Henry stamp on the face of Joey ‘The Cunt’ Barton.

Now it looked like a draw was on the cards until Keano popped up again with a roaster of a winner for the Vile. What you gonna do? It was a bit of a shame to hear Robbie Keane getting booed when he was subbed at the end, very poor form Wolves fans. 8 minutes of stoppage time for the Frimpong injury and stretcher off wasn’t enough for Wolves as they played the ball backwards and sideways with no haste or composure.

The first half is what we need more of Wolves, watch it Monday morning with a cuppa tea and ask yourselves, what happened? Cus every Wolves fan is now asking that very question – wtf happened?



I really, really, really want a…. disabled parking permit.

You know what I want, a wheelchair. I don’t need one and I hope I never need one and I don’t want to offend anyone who has to use one but I want one. Why? Why not! I mean it’s OK now to pretend to be something you’re not. Physical disadvantages are cool!

I’m out of order of course, but I’m referring to this odd teenage thing of wearing glasses that you don’t need. It’s offensive. I wear glasses and I wish I didn’t have too and I’m too skint and scared to get my eyeballs lasered so I can get rid of these glasses.

Why pretend to need glasses? If you’re a teenager and you’re not happy with your 20-20 vision go up Bilston market and buy some of that knock-off, moonshine Jack Daniels and Glens vodka and go and drink it over Hickman park. Pretty soon your vision will cloud and blur and you can get those lovely glasses you seek so dearly to make you look like…. Austin Powers. Cus not only do these teenage idiots choose to pretend to have a physical disadvantage but they choose to do it in the most ugly, thick rimmed, coke bottle way possible.


I don’t have a walking stick, cus I don’t need one. I don’t have a white cane, cus I don’t need one and I don’t have a wheelchair, cus I don’t need one… and I hope I never need any of those things.

But mostly I hope I never CHOOSE to wear a nappy or inject myself with water twice a day cus I want people to think I’m diabetic. That would be crazy, wearing glasses you don’t need is fucking crazy.

I’m sure every generation that has reached their mid thirties has looked back on the teenagers behind them and thought, “Fucking hell, these pricks will be looking after me in my old age” but I really feel that now we have the first generation of genuinely 100% selfish, self interested, arrogant, lazy & stupid bastards that just might let us all suffer and die (probably for their sport as they race around in rocket propelled stair lifts) in our old age.

I hope I die young enough to not need care or disability aids but old enough to say I’ve had a life. Cus I don’t want some Alan Carr glasses wearing mother-fucker- of-a-carer looking at me through plain glass telling me I need to hand over the cash or they’ll tie me to the toilet again by my OAP dungaree straps.

Teenagers are fucking nuts!

Peace (and good health!)

Nothing doing.

Ever run out of inspiration? I have. Inspiration seems to hit me in waves, sometimes I can’t write enough or blog enough and other times I’m empty of inspiration and wonder if I’ll ever be able to write anything ever again.

At the moment I’m sat doing the latter, sitting here in front of my keyboard wondering if it’ll ever come back. It will I’m sure. I’m sat thinking about all of the promises I made to myself to complete my NaNoWriMo from November. Yeah I hit the 50k word limit for the month but the story was never finished. It’s oh so close to being finished but I just cannot bring myself to cross the line with it. I’m not at work today I could easily finish it in an hour or so but instead I’m sat here looking at a blank screen, eyes weary and head pounding from the 5am finish to last nights proceedings, yes I sat up late to watch the Golden Globes.

I dunno if it was worth it. Ricky Gervais, although funny as always, had clearly toned things down a little and of course as everyone knew what to expect the element of surprise was lost. It was a nice awards show, it’s good to see so much British talent actually presenting and receiving awards. We might not manufacture much and export a lot these days but we certainly have some great stars of stage and screen that do us proud around the world.

I’d had a few ideas to moan about, internet addiction (which I’m sure I have in a small way), the weekends’ football and my plans for the garden but I just cannot be arsed.

I think I need to go and get my head down for an hour and have another go later.


Save Panda’s – start eating them!

Wanna save the panda from extinction? Easy. Start eating them. Start killing them so we can eat their sweet, sweet flesh. It’s a delicious alternative to extinction and do you wanna know why? I’m sure you do.

Animals we eat don’t become extinct because we don’t let them. According to wikipedia the global population of cattle is 1.3 billion. That on a planet where most of the 7 billion humans have no cattle cus they barely have food or water and how’s this for a stat – the population of Brazil is around 190m people and they have 187m cows, would it be that high if we didn’t eat them? I doubt it; if humans in Brazil were all vegetarian they’d shoot the cows so they could keep the hay and grass for themselves, but silliness aside they wouldn’t have cows, they’d simply die out.

The key thing is this, if you eat meat you have to make sure you have animals to eat as well as enough to live and breed and you can’t have that if you don’t farm them intensively. Intensive farming actually creates life, lots of it! It doesn’t destroy it or make things extinct. The real issue that vegetarians and vegans have is to do with welfare and conditions that the animals are kept in whilst alive. I agree with them, we have to look after them and if we are going to create life to eat it, we should make sure they’re given the best possible life. We have to make sure that cows and sheep and chickens and pigs have the food, exercise, fresh air, room to move about and eat and skip around and reproduce comfortably. They are key issues, if an animal has all of that it’s fine in my opinion that they exist only for us to eat.

Also vegetarians have an issue with eating meat because a life form dies for us to be sustained. OK I get that, but the life they are talking about (in regards to a cow) wouldn’t exist without our need to eat it. The real issue is the welfare of the animal whilst it’s alive. That and the methods of putting it down. Killing an animal to eat it has to be quick and effective and cannot use chemicals or drugs (for obvious reasons) and cannot create stress as the adrenaline produced by the animal as it gets scared makes the meat taste terrible.

When animals are killed for human consumption, in many cases, it is done as quickly as possible. I know vegetarians and vegans like to argue that it’s stressful and cruel but is it any crueler than nature itself? Do you think a zebra or a wildebeest being chased down by a pack of leopards or lionesses isn’t stressful and painful and an awful way for a creature to die? Yes of course it is! And I know that vegetarians will argue that lions and zebras aren’t self aware beings that make choices like we do and that is a great position to argue from but we need to understand that a lion won’t nurture zebras, help them breed and become a successful, larger populous life form than they otherwise would be before quickly and efficiently killing it for lunch.

Ultimately people are omnivores. We like eating meat and we like eating vegetables and although a few have strong views on animal welfare they cannot change the fact that most of us love a good burger or sausage sandwich. Meat brings people together. In the summer I enjoy barbecues with family and friends because there is meat there. If someone invited me to there house because they had a few peppers roasting on an open fire and a buffet of lettuce and tomatoes, I’d stay at home and I think most meat eaters feel the same. Show us the meat!

So if we want to save the panda all we have to do is grab the charcoal and clean the barbecue and quickly and efficiently dispense of one.

Peace (and meat!)

Getting the 2012 ball rolling…

Oh how long it has been since I sat here in my study…. well my spare bedroom… and wrote anything for my dear old blog. Christmas and the New year allowed me ten days off work and also allowed me to get into that mode we all instantly get into when we know we aint gotta get up for work for a few days, you know – lazy-fat-fucker-where’s-the-cheese-and-beer-and-the-DVD-remote-control-I-aint-moving-off-this-sofa mode. Oh how sweet it was but I think the sofa has an arse cheek shaped dent permanently in the middle of it now and some damp patches that might be white wine but also might be drool. (Even my dog looked disgusted at those stains)!

Well out of my three new years resolutions I set myself (less drinking beer more tea, no smoking, no Facebook) I’ve managed to break one completely and make a mockery of another. The tea is flowing but so is the beer and my account deactivation of Facebook lasted 6 days and then I realised how much I loved to snoop around the site like I was a MI5 agent in St Petersburg in 1981. But I still aint had a smoke, that is a resolution I can hold on to for ages but I know I’ll break it eventually cus I always do. In fact just talking about smoking is making me want to spark up a Hamlet right now. But thankfully I aint got any in the house and cus I’m half drunk too I cant drive to a shop and get any (yes I’m one of those lazy fuckers who drives to fetch beer and cigars before getting a nice healthy Chinese delivered).

Nothing has really crossed my mind or annoyed me or wound me up or inspired me enough to write anything and I dunno why. I think its cus I’m slowly going through a period of not upsetting people. I know I’ve wound a few people up and upset a few people with my activity on Facebook and I don’t want to upset people. That’s why I now limit Facebook to really boring and obvious updates… yes, I’m plagiarising everyone I know on Facebook for my own Facebook ends. It’ll make me look dull and self obsessed and uninterested in anything that is slightly high brow but at least I won’t upset anyone.

So I’m left with just twitter and youtube and wordpress to spout bile and anger and bitterness and observations made by me and my badly focusing eyes and slightly sludge like grey matter, so if the content on here gets ranty and shouty and a bit weird don’t blame me, blame my loved ones who no longer want to see ranty, shouty, weird stuff in their Facebook news feed from me.

I have nothing else to say at the moment. I’m off now to have myself a final drink, get ready for bed and contemplate my existence, the existence of the universe and why vegetarians want us to stop eating cows, because if we all did they as a species would die out quicker than a Fundamentalist Muslim Lemming on a plane full of semtex with a narcoleptic pilot.

Goodbye and peace!