If you can’t get to Wolves away why aren’t you coming to Bilston at home?

This Saturday past I was at Bilston football club for the ex-players reunion at Queen Street. These events are excellent in themselves and for me an awesome access to memories and stories that you simply cannot research. Everyone at the club has always been friendly and approachable and decent and every single ex-player I have met has been a gentleman and more than happy to talk about the time they spent at Bilston FC. They speak of Queen Street, their comrades from teams gone by, with love and respect and it’s a pleasure to be around. So many nice people, who achieved so much, more than happy to share what they have and what they can. It’s amazing. I can’t think of many, no any, other non league clubs at this level that do such a thing. And do it so informally and so welcoming and so well. Fair play to Bilston Town for that, it really is brilliant.

It has given me so much encouragement and information that it really does keep me going. I know I’m doing it for them and the club. I’m struggling to balance definitive versus relevant when it comes to the book and the many hundreds of hours of searching and reading and researching can sometimes appear like nothing is happening but it is, its pretty much my main focus these days and it really shouldn’t’ be, but genuinely it is. The weight of such a project, that so many people are waiting for, weighs very heavy indeed sometimes. But each of these events helps me focus on what I need to do and so I walk away from time wasted on researching irrelevant or fruitless avenues, and get on with the historical detail, the human stories and the successes, these ex-player reunions really have been a great help and positive influence.

Writing has never been something I’ve needed a crutch for, I’ve been writing for nearly twenty years. But I’ve never done anything like this before. Fiction is easy, be it a script or a story, you can essentially make that shit up if you have an imagination and a half decent vocabulary and editing skills. This is something else. It’s an absolute joy. I suppose it helps being a football fan. You couldn’t do it if you weren’t. I find little bits that prick my imagination simply because I like football that would be lost or ignored otherwise. I’d like to think that makes me the best man for the job but I know that I’m probably not; the man who is the expert on this matter told me on day one that the “book had already been written” and almost made me walk away from the project at the first hurdle. Thanks JC! But I use your 45 second telephone conversation as inspiration only. I’m sure you could’ve made my journey easier and been very helpful but clearly you are an old man with your own reasons and so I forgive you. I was never doing this to piss on your camp fire but if the book already exists maybe you should publish it ay?

Anyway, the book is happening and it’ll be as good or as bad as I make it and I’m doing all I can to make it pretty damned sweet as fuck. My next question is: Where are you Bilston fans? Where the fuck are you? I don’t want to go all Delia Smith but come the fuck on. Premier league football guaranteed this season. Yeah it might be step 6 on the pyramid but where are you? You can’t just turn up at the cup finals they play and buy the programme and talk about how you remember it like you give a shit. Come on guys. Get your arses down to Queen Street. I often wonder how many home games do Bilston play when Wolves are away. I bet the two clubs could have a deal where the Wolves season ticket holders could get reduced fees to come to Bilston or even free entry if they bring someone else. It sounds like it should work. When Bilston are at home and Wolves are away the gate at Queen Street should go up. How many Wolves regulars live in or around Bilston? Come on guys, support some grass roots football and bring the kids and buy them all a programme, a scarf and a cheese cob. Support local football. You can nail your heart to a club but still offer something to your local non league club. Everyone needs a non league club to support and I think Wolves fans should come down and support Bilston. A team they have played many times in league football (Wolves A) and in one off special games like when Bilston officially opened their flood lights against Wolves.

Please think about it Wolves fans, affordable games are available to you when you can’t travel away. Mix it up a bit and pop your head around the gate at Queen Street, Bilston. You won’t regret it, it’s an old school, nice, friendly experience.

Peace.

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Writing, blogging, where I’ve been and is there a point to it all.

Most people who have blogs, such as me, aren’t doing it for any other reason than they want to write about stuff. They want to pump out random brain farts and hope that someone somewhere will care enough to like it or comment after stumbling across the awful smell of someone else’s largely unimportant and uninteresting opinions.

I sometimes question why I bother, but have been doing it for so long now on various sites, that it really doesn’t matter why, its just a thing I do, neither good or bad, its mostly indulgence but it keeps me off the streets and allows me to sit (which is always good) and drink a few beers and pass a few moments of my time. I suppose it’s a bit of a crutch really. Yeah I’m that guy who blogs so he has to drink, I’m not an alcoholic – its part of the course when you’re a blogger. The few people who read this are the same few who’ve always read it and always will. They are mostly family and friends and acquaintances (Hello y’all!) mixed in with the odd like minded blogger type person online, I still have the odd reader who thinks they are going to find some great insight into getting a post on Ricky Gervais’ blog but I choose to ignore and delete any kind of tell me how to do that nonsense comments. All two or three of them are still rotting in my comment trash file – take that beggars! The answer to that is simple – I haven’t a fucking clue. Now dance for me, Colin!

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A lot of the successful bloggers today are doing it by a formula, they are doing it for money and lets be honest they are damned good at it and deserve every fucking penny. Good luck to them. I’d love to be able to trot out a the ten best… or a things you never knew about Kim Kardashians dad post every day and watch the readership count fly and then come home to count the piles of green. Fantastic! That is why they are worth it. They are giving bite sized, digestible content, regularly, to a hungry and ready audience that is too damned lazy to do anything other than swipe an app on their phone and loll back and read. Those bloggers are the masters of this domain that is Wordsville and I would bow/salute/offer my coat to a puddle in their way, in their company.

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I remember when I first had the internet, back in the good old days of the internet, in 2001. I’d begun blogging then on a site that if I recall properly was called webspawner. It wasn’t an actual blogging platform. It offered free and paid for webspace but the free platform was ideal for just putting up text. So I wrote there for a while, mostly about what the West should do in retaliation for 9/11 if I recall correctly. It was fair and even handed as I’m sure you can imagine. As a man who then watched the news for a living, for a PR media company and was tortured by the days live events for 8 solid hours and the following 3 months, I was more than even handed. No I’d say, considering what happened and the mind fuck my job gave me, it was pretty damned mutha fuckin even handed. I never mentioned nuking them once. I think I said we should do it twice, but I digress. I wrote all manner of things that I thought were thoughtful, meaningful, sometimes even parody and comical but really I was just a man who thought he could write being a huge reactionary. After a few months of not updating it, mostly down to me re-engaging with a largely neglected drink problem I deleted the entire thing. I never saved it and I’m glad I didn’t. I took off and nuked the site from orbit; it’s the only way to be sure. But it didn’t mean I walked away. By 2003 I’d found blogspot, I think that’s what blogger was before it became…. Er blogger. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I posted their at least once every three or four months and kidded myself that I was a writer. For a while too I had a blog at Bravenet and had some pretty damned good statistics too. Stats I’d probably kill for today… if it wasn’t all about that… coughs!

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Nuke them once or twice?

The bravenet blog was just comedy and silliness. Pictures I’d edit in Paint with silly captions and opinions that I wrote in the form of a character, I’d created, who know one knew, so only I was laughing. It was utter car crash blogging. But I was writing and I was happy with it until as always, it died the death and so I took off and without saving anything nuked the site from orbit again. Oh dear Jeff! So many memories, so much madness, all lost. I’d love to look back over them one more time just to see how free and open my much younger mind was before the internet of social media. That would be fantastic but alas, it was all gone.

In 2005 I started a new personal blog which was very much like this blog, full of nothing but random shit but again I only updated it about once every three or four weeks and then cried inside when no one read it (oh what a fucking noobenstein I was, fuck off 2005 Jay!) and in 2006 I had a blog which lasted for 18 months that mocked and parodied my work and my employers and the ridiculous, ludicrous, unbelievable bollocks that went on and that’s when I learned to blog regularly. Both of these blogs were dead by 2008. My personal one I deleted and for a third time I was in orbit with nukes and the piss take, you could get sacked blog too only this time I’d worked out how to export the file and so the piss take one, I still have as a wordpress file that one day will be the seeds to an award winning comedy based on… the exact same situation (maybe not). No wait, definitely not.

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I didn’t bother again with a blog for a while, until I started this one. I began what I was told was “micro blogging” on Twitter in 2009 but that has evolved into just a tool for abuse and hatred. Why does the collective human consciousness always go there? I guess we’ll be extinct eventually guys. We can’t get along on or offline. In very late 2010 I started writing here and here I’ve stayed. I think as you get older you can’t be fucked with a niche or a theme if you’re just a random brain farter. My brain IBS makes my brain farts ever so smelly and sometimes constipated too. But this blog has been fun, the Gervais thing that I love to mention is one thing and the two chats I’ve had on the radio as a result of my posts also make me smile but really what is it all about?

I don’t really know that for sure, but if I was pushed (pushes self) I’d say:

Blogging is about being comfortable with who you are and what you are. Don’t kid yourself you have some great insights or can have a battle of wits with or attack or slag off the proper bloggers who earn thousands a month and/or have something to offer and say. That would be like entering a jousting competition, on a rocking horse, stark bollock naked, with only a toothpick as a lance as a man in a suit of armour hurtles towards you on his stallion with a titanium lance of certain doom. You’re going to end up dead or flying out of the arena. It’s that brutal. But if you just wanna fire out moments of thought and do it honestly there is nothing better than a blog. Sure people who know you will judge you, but hey! Most of the people I know haven’t written as much as I have in this single post in their entire lives. I know plenty of people who I think have a lot to say and share and are interesting, engaging and funny but they don’t because they are scared of the ridicule. But in 100 years when we’re all dead and none of this matters who’ll give a fuck? I mean really. Is writing and blogging so bad? Do you really care what anyone else thinks about you that you’d shackle yourself from trying something you want to? Fuck it. If nothing else, my blog will make a nice memorial to me when I’m dead. Pure, undiluted me. My thoughts, my ideas, my bullshit.

You all know it to be true and you’ll fucking miss me when it stops. Stay good people. Love, live and be happy, and thanks for reading this far. Ramble central bids you good night.

Peace.

Zzzzzzzz (aka same old moaning minority)

Wolves recent form has been pretty bad. A point against Blues, who’d lost 8-0 at home the previous game and then away defeats at Ipswich and Derby have left the good start feeling a little flat. It’s a shame really because over all the season has gone according to plan. Not one Wolves fan was saying anything other than a top half finish would be required or expected this season and yet now here we are 9th in the table and only 5 points from the summit. It’s not bad really. If someone had said to me at the start of the campaign that we would be that close to the top spot after 17 games had been played I’d have probably laughed. But that fact aside still a tiny minority of fans are upset at recent results. Yes of course it isn’t nice to lose to an old manager and it isn’t nice to get thumped 5-0 but over all we cannot complain. Since Kenny Jackett joined the club we’ve always hated going into international breaks but now that we have a two week gap before the next game I think it is more than due. It gives the players and the coach a nice bit of time to rebuild and fix the defensive frailties that have crept into our game in recent weeks. I personally think that we can still be pushing for a top 6 place come April and May next year but I’m not expecting us to do anything more than that. If we go on a great run like we did in the second half of last season I, of course, won’t be complaining but its still a rebuilding job that is going on and I think that its over the 46 games KJ and his players will be judged and there are still 87 points to play for in what is turning out to be a very unpredictable league. If any of the top ten clubs finds a gear they could easily win the league and with that in mind I think we’ll certainly have enough in the tank to be challenging for something at the end of the season, even if we fall slightly short.

Wolves aye we!

Peace.

Yearning wanes as you get older, fatter and more contented. (300th post, crammed full of hot squash).

The urge to write has slowly started to leave me in recent months. I’ve been doing it for so many years on various websites and blogs it’s become more than a hobby it’s something that I factor into my day to day life. But the desire seems to be leaving me and I’ve been trying to work out why. The main reason is the isolation it’s caused me and the lack of contact with those who have been good friends for many years, nay decades. Being a voice on a blog and a mad man on social media has seen my very being reduced to outcast and idiot and very few people seem to want to have anything to do with me as a result. (Well I hope it’s that, I can’t think what else it could be and would love the opportunity to make amends for any mistakes). I suppose when people no longer see you in the flesh and only see you online it’s easy to make yourself appear different, but really I’m the same guy I’ve always been, ready to laugh and joke and have fun but it’s hard when people don’t see you like that anymore. It’s awkward and so very painful. But it’s hardly ‘boo hoo me’ I’ve been a bit of a plonker too over the years and so you have to live and die by your own mistakes I suppose. I don’t want or deserve anyone’s sympathy for being the way I am, it’s all down to me. Me and my contented, if sometimes busy, life.

But not only the fact that I’m a stranger in many friends lives and some of them only see me as the words written here or as inane tweets has driven my urge to write away; contentment has. Being in a fantastic and happy relationship does, I feel, make you lazy. The weekdays are occupied by work and the boring everyday chores and trials we all have to put up with. And having a constant, nagging, OAP canine with more health issues than I have teeth can consume your time and patience on a near 24/7 basis. But being able to spend time with someone you love and care about is one of life’s real pleasures and I take advantage of that when I can. I make no apologies for being happy in that department and I hope every one of you reading this are in the same boat now or one day soon.

2014 has been a terrible year in so many different ways too that I feel I am now just looking back on it with a sense of sorrow and with one eye on a fresh start in 2015.

The Bilston Town FC history book is now my sole focus as far as writing goes and this blog will live or die. I’ll add to it if and when I can be bothered or if I have something that I think I need to say but the days of organised, disciplined blogging are now behind me and I want to concentrate on my life, my work and the precious little spare time I have to spend with family and loved ones.

I’d like to make amends with friends, but if I can’t, I hope if any of you are reading this you can accept my apologies for offences caused by my silly words and being so absent. I think about you guys often and still laugh out loud at the great times we’ve had together. I have tried to make amends before and want to draw a line underneath everything right now.

Peace.