I’ve been laughing today about a character that showed up in a local Asda store one fine afternoon. The story isn’t mine, it comes to me second hand and so it will have slight inaccuracies but the gist of it is all here.
A friend of mine was queuing at the fag counter when he overheard a guy in the queue talking to an assumed friend of his. He was holding a couple of those pre-made triangular sandwiches, you know ham and cheese, tuna and mayo, the £1.50 kinda deal and was talking about the classy birds that he picked up from bridge club or darts night or some other function at his local pub in Darlaston to take back home to chuck one up them before casting them back out into the night (some might say based on his description of the women and his treatment of them they could well have been accepting cash from him) and he actually held up the sandwiches and cheekily said, to justify what a Casanova he was, that he “Always cuts them a sandwich for afterwards!”
Oh you old smoothie! First, I doubt that after they’ve had Derek’s mate slide one up them for forty seconds they are gagging for a cheese ploughman’s, and secondly, oh God of all that is carnal and sexually fulfilling, you haven’t cut them a sandwich at all. In fact, I’d say your use of the term “cut them a sandwich” suggests you remove the packaging and plate them up in the fridge. Class act buddy. How on Earth have you made it to your mid forties without being lassoed, you clearly are husband/keeper material?
But it does teach us all a lesson in romancing the ladies. They love nothing more than to be wined, in the Frying Pan with a Bacardi and Babycham, and dined, crumbs in bed and all. I suppose it takes all sorts and I shouldn’t judge too harshly but we aint half had a good chuckle at this story over the months.
We’ve now given him a name, Brian. Because it’s fascinating, you know – ‘The Life of Brian.’ His character and back story gets more detailed by the day. And now he has a theme tune too…
Most birds round here I’ve had,
I really am a lad,
With me they never open their purse!
When they’re chewing on my gristle,
I don’t grumble, king of carnal,
And shortly I know they’ll be very impressed….
I… Always cut ‘em a sandwich after sex
But the world is a richer place, I feel, for these kinds of odd-bod characters and I wanted to share it here with wordpress so its a moment that can live on forever.
A lot of people (by a lot I mean more than five) are asking me and wondering when the history of Bilston town FC will be ready to buy and read.
I would like to say next week, but, if it were ready next week it would only be half of the story.
I’m about 60% of the way through the entire project. The first half, which I’ve equated to 1894 to 1947 is done as a first draft. It’s completely researched and written. Job done. I’m sure its nowhere near as detailed as it could be but as far as this book goes its done. I can waste the next two or three years researching it all in painstaking detail but I think I have everything I need and the missing parts are as irrelevant as a history book about Napoleon not mentioning what he had for breakfast on a given Sunday when he was 19 years old.
That said, I do want this book to be as definitive and interesting as possible to the Bilston fans. So I’m not leaving any stones unturned, they all get a turning, but the relevance of what’s beneath those stones may not warrant a mention.
I have to be researcher, compiler, organiser, writer and editor of this and that comes with a responsibility, the responsibility being that I don’t neglect the completion of this project on inane moments and don’t take a second longer than I have to. I feel the need to complete it sooner rather than later, for the former players I have met who aren’t getting any younger, and to all of the people at the club who expect this book from me.
I can assure you all I am working my socks and pants off, to the detriment of my social life and to the annoyance of my loved ones.
And the 1947 to present day is starting to look pretty damned sweet too.
Just bear with me if you can and thank you if you’ve contributed.
Bilston took a hammering at Malvern and Sporting Khalsa took two more giant strides towards a trophy that has been theirs since August. This weeks results are as follows:
28th March 2015
Cradley Town 2 – 5 Bewdley Town
Ellesmere Rangers 3 – 2 Dudley Sports
Haughmond 2 – 3 Sporting Khalsa
Malvern Town 5 – 2 Bilston Town Community
Pegasus Juniors 3 – 2 Dudley Town
Smethwick Rangers 3 – 0 Wellington Amateurs
W’Ton Casuals 4 – 0 Shawbury United
Wednesfield 1 – 4 Gornal Athletic
Wellington 0 – 1 W’Ton Sporting Community
Willenhall Town 1 – 1 Black Country Rangers
25th March 2015
Cradley Town 6 – 1 Wednesfield
Smethwick Rangers 0-0 Wellington
W’Ton Sporting Community 4 – 1 Shifnal Town
24th March 2015
Wellington Amateurs 3 – 4 Sporting Khalsa
Bilston Town took the points in an away day at Bridgnorth which takes their points tally to 42 for the season and may just be enough to make sure that they are playing in this division again next season regardless of the remaining eight league games they have still to play. Sporting Khalsa were held to a surprising nil-nil home draw versus Pegasus Juniors but the point is another point closer to the title, especially given the three points they picked up mid week against Wellington. As I’ve said many times before, its their title for sure. They have a nine point lead at the top and games in hand to pick up more. The complete results for the last week is as follows:
21st March 2015
AFC Bridgnorth 1 – 2 Bilston Town Community
Bewdley Town 0 – 2 W’Ton Sporting Community
Black Country Rangers 0 – 0 Wellington
Dudley Town 2 – 3 W’Ton Casuals
Ellesmere Rangers 1 – 1 Malvern Town
Gornal Athletic 1 – 2 Cradley Town
Shawbury United 3 – 3 Willenhall Town
Shifnal Town 0 – 0 Smethwick Rangers
Sporting Khalsa 0 – 0 Pegasus Juniors
Wellington Amateurs 1 – 4 Haughmond
18th March 2015
Dudley Town 0 – 0 AFC Bridgnorth
17th March 2015
Dudley Sports 4 – 0 Wednesfield
Ellesmere Rangers 2 – 2 Shawbury United
Wellington 0 – 2 Sporting Khalsa
Bilston suffered another heavy defeat at home this time losing four-nil to Gornal Athletic, Bilston are looking safe enough in mid table to maintain their Premier league status into the 2015-16 season. AFC Bridgnorth have closed the gap at the top of the table to six points with a seven-nil rout of Smethwick but top of the table Sporting Khalsa still have four games in hand and the title still looks more than theirs.
14th March 2015 Results:
AFC Bridgnorth 7-0 Smethwick Rangers
Bilston Town Community 0-4 Gornal Athletic
Cradley Town 1-2 Haughmond
Dudley Sports 1-0 Pegasus Juniors
Shifnal Town 5-3 Black Country Rangers
W’Ton Casuals 0-2 W’Ton Sporting Community
Wednesfield 2-2 Shawbury United
Willenhall Town 1-4 Wellington